Pinestar and Jake's Family Camping Trip!
by I'veSwitchedAccounts
Summary: When Pinestar and his son Tigerstar meet up with his old buddy Jake and his two sons Firestar and Scourge at the family councilor/therapist, stuff starts to get interesting when Pinstar and Jake have an idea of a camping trip. Will Firestar, Scourge, and Tigerstar survive? Or will they end up killing each other?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: A Chance Meeting**

The pale ginger tabby tomcat put a paw to his aching temple, wishing now more than ever that he had brought his bottle of aspirin into the counciling office with him.

 _I_ really _need to be paid more for this..._

Stretching his face into a rather scary fake grin that looked more like someone had just smashed his foot with a mallet, he leaned across his desk and narrowed his eyes at his patients.

"So Tigerstar," he began. "How does that straitjacket make you _feel?_ "

"It makes me feel like you are _very_ lucky I'm in this Dark Forest-forsaken contraption." the dark tabby across from him growled while struggling in the canvas straitjacket he was currently (not so)stylishly sporting. "Because if I wasn't, I would definitely feel like ripping out your lungs and making them into Christmas decorations. And this idiot next to me's lungs. And Fireshart's. And the Three's. And my screw-up son's. And everyone in StarClan's. And that stupid janitor who clogged my toilet's. I swear, that's the last time I hire Purdy for ANYTHING-"

"OKAY!" Flamestripe decided to halt the rant before it grew into a real problem. "Tigerstar," he mewed, straightening his glasses. "The jacket is SUPPOSED to represent how constricting a relationship with a family member can be if you don't let in some air!"

 _Also to keep me from having to spend the night pulling claws out of places they don't belong in_... Flamestripe silently added, wincing. He turned to the aforementioned "idiot next to Tigerstar".

"Well Pinestar, we can see your son feels very strongly about this. How do you think a good father's reaction to his son's feelings should be?"

The former ThunderClan leader frowned, swinging his legs around like a kit on the wooden patients chair across from Flamestripe's desk. "But I'm a _great_ father!" he protested, fiddling with his _totally_ not girly hot pink cheetah-print kittypet collar. "Everyone knows that all the great fathers dump the kits on the more competent mother whose sole job is to raise kits while us daddies go off and do whatever we want!"

"Okay, I'm supposed to be the evilest cat ever and even _I_ know that was sexist!" Tigerstar snapped, wrenching his head around in the straitjacket to glare at his father.

Pinestar ignored him with a flick of his bushy red tail. "As I was saying, I don't doubt my parenting abilities one bit and as a good father, my reaction is to say that I understand that Tigey-Wigey's upset-"

Tigerstar interjected with a furious screech. "DON'T CALL ME THAT, YOU MAGGOT RIDDEN MANGEPELT! PATHETIC, PITIFUL EXCUSE FOR A CAT! WHY I-"

" _-But_ ," Pinestar continued with total disregard to his outraged son's temper tantrum. "That's no reason why we shouldn't be able to maintain a healthy relationship as father and son!"

"INGRATE! KITTYPET FILTH! TRAITOR!" Tigerstar shrieked, spittle spraying from his mouth and contorting into positions that shouldn't be possible in the straitjacket.

All Flamestripe could do was stare in disbelief at one of the world's worst fathers and his catatonic son.

 _I knew I should have been a bank robber..._ he thought ruefully, staring hopelessly at the smiley-face clock above the wall that indicated that this counseling session still had fifteen minutes left.

Tigerstar squawked as his maddened wriggling caused him to tumble off his chair, bonking his nose on the edge of the desk and again when his face hit the floor, still wrapped in the straitjacket.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" he yowled as Pinestar attempted to pick him up and put him back in his chair. Frightened, Pinestar dropped his son like a hot potato, causing a third bump to Tigerstar's nose.

Flamestripe stood up. "That's it! I think that's enough for today!" he wheezed, clutching his throbbing head. _Why isn't there more aspirin in here?_

Pinestar frowned. "But I'm paying for a full hour and-"

"Don't worry about that, it'll go into next week's session!" Flamestripe lied, anxious to get the two out of his office. "But you know the saying, too much counseling and- and- uh, the next step's a mental hospital! Yeah!"

"Let's just go!" Tigerstar spoke from his facedown position on the floor. "I'm supposed to bail Hawkfrost out of jail by five or they'll keep him there all weekend!"

"Again?" Pinestar asked. "Can't your ex or someone else just do it?"

"Sasha cut Hawkfrost off a long time ago." Tigerstar pouted. "And Mothwing's in London for the Medicine Cat Convention. How lucky are they? London! The Dark Forest United are lucky if we can rent out a local Taco Kitty for a night!"

Pinestar eyed his son suspiciously. "Since when do you have money?"

Tigerstar's eyes went wide and watery and his lip quivered. On anyone other than Tigerstar it might have looked cute. "Lend me money?" he begged, knowing Pinestar always fell for the face.

"Okay, I guess we'd better head out." Pinestar relented, picking his son up and carrying him towards the door under his arm like a sleeping bag.

"UNTIE ME FIRST YOU INCOMPETENT FOOL!" Tigerstar hissed.

"Oh, right." Pinestar moved Tigerstar over to a corner and began to struggle with the buckles on the straitjacket. He blinked apologetically at Flamestripe who was eyeing them warily, not at all interested in paying for any more repairs to his office. "I'll have him out of here in a jiffy and then we'll be out of your fur." the red-brown tom promised the councilor.

Flamestripe just nodded weakly and put his head down on his desk. Reaching for the intercom button, he pressed it. "Hey, Honeypaw?"

"Yeah Flamestripe?" came the cheery voice of his receptionist/assistant for nearly everything/apprentice/adopted daughter. "Do you need any more aspirin?"

"Make it two." Flamestripe responded. "And could you also bring me some more peppermint cocoa?"

"Sure thing! I'll have them both right away!" Honeypaw chirped before cutting the line.

Flamestripe exhaled in relief. Soon aspirin would be there to soothe his throbbing head, and he still had about ten minutes of relaxation until his next appointment.

Flipping through his rainbow glitter appointment book (it had been a birthday present from his smart-aleck sister who had ruined his other one) Flamestripe looked to see who his next patient was.

Once he saw it he choked on his last mouthful of cocoa, spewing it all over the place.

Slamming his paw on the intercom, he yowled, "HONEYPAW, CHANGE OF PLANS! WE ARE NOW CLOSED! CLOSED CLOSED CLOSED! CANCEL AND RESCHEDULE ALL OTHER APPOINTMENTS FOR TODAY!"

"Are you sure?" Honeypaw's voice was concerned. "You still have Ivypool coming in about her post-traumatic stress disorder, and Greymist and her kits are all supposed to come in to discuss her horrible naming abilities-"

"Not _them_ ," Flamestripe felt his need for aspirin grow even stronger. "Look who my next client is. How could you put them right after Pinestar and Tigerstar of all cats?!"

Flamestripe stared worriedly at the names of one of two different client groups that could hold the title of "World's worst patient in history of counciling. Do not council at ANY COST!"

The other group was currently creating a scene in the corner of his room.

"I'm super sorry, Tigger, I'm usually much better at this, but I forgot to wear my contacts today!" Pinestar fretted as he fiddled with the troublesome straitjacket.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE DADDY, I GOTTA GO TO THE POTTY!" Tigerstar shrieked. "AND DON'T CALL ME TIGGER EITHER!"

Flamestripe facepawed, trotting over and quickly undoing the bothersome buckle on the straitjacket with practiced paws. Tigerstar burst out of it.

"FREEDOM!" All of a sudden, his triumphant expression turned constipated. "BATHROOM!"

Tigerstar bolted over to the locked door, dancing on two paws and whining about his need to pee.

Sighing, Flamestripe walked back over to his desk where he had left Honeypaw hanging. "Sorry about that, had to deal with something."

"Yeah, well we're going to have another one." Honeypaw's voice was scared. Flamestripe felt his gut freeze over. "What do you mean?" he questioned weakly, fumbling in his desk for both the key to let out his current patients as well as his bottle of pepper spray he kept to keep from dying in nasty ways.

"You know the next group? Well, they _kinda_ already showed up..."

" _WHAT?!_ " Flamestripe shook his head, unable to believe it.

"Tell them to go away!" he hissed frantically.

"Uh, have you _met_ them, Flamestripe?" Honeypaw retorted. "I can't exactly tell them to go away!"

Flamestripe blinked. "Oh. _Right._ "

Thinking for a moment, and ducking the potted ficus Tigerstar hurled at him for not letting them out by now, Flamestripe told Honeypaw, "Well, this certainly isn't going to end well at all. I want you to fake a need to go to your car. Wait outside and call the police as soon as you hear trouble. I'm going to let these guys out and lock myself in my office until the bloodbath is over."

"Got it boss." Honeypaw's voice was all business. This wasn't the first time she had had to call the cops (or the fire department, the hospital, animal control, the queen of England, or the nearby Moonbucks Coffee) in an emergency.

The line disconnected, and Flamestripe turned back to Pinestar and Tigerstar. "Sorry fellas," he trilled nervously. "Couldn't find the key for a second. Here we are, unlocked door, why don't you leave and you can call me on when you want to schedule your next session goodbye now!"

With a quick shove, the panicked counselor moved his two patients to the other side of the doorway and slammed it in their faces, locking the door again and crouching next to it, ear pressed against the wood with pepper spray and a fire extinguisher ready to blast.

* * *

Pinestar frowned as his flustered counselor bustled them out of his office, closing it after them and right after the click of the lock was heard.

 _Well he sure was in a hurry,_ the former ThunderClan leader thought, sighing. Getting Tigerstar to come to these sessions had been a boulder to move on its own, he really hoped they would be able to make his relationship with his estranged son a little less... estranged.

Turning around, he slammed into Tigerstar who had frozen in place.

 _That's weird; I thought he would have bolted for the bathroom by now._

Moving around his mountain of a son, Pinestar saw what had caused Tigerstar's abrupt freeze and gasped in shock and delight.

Standing across the waiting room was a fat flame colored tom with deep green eyes and a black collar. Hiding behind him like two shy kits were a small black tom with a white paw and a ginger tom identical to the other one, if not slimmer. Both were gaping at Pinestar and Tigerstar like they were ghosts.

Pinestar felt a warm fuzzy feeling grow inside him as he recognized who he was standing across from.

"Jake, buddy!" he greeted, walking past a still frozen Tigerstar towards his old friend who was striding toward him with his paws held out.

"Pinestar, my pal!" Jake called, wrapping his friend in a hug. "Long time, no see!"

 **SO, this is Flamestripe of WindClan with a new account, starting over with another one of my funny ideas that I decided to turn into a comedy! OKAY, I KNOW THERE WAS A LOT OF MY OC'S FLAMESTRIPE AND HONEYPAW HERE BUT I PROMISE THEY WILL NOT BE PROMINENT IN THIS STORY! THEY ARE BACKGROUND CHARACTERS! This story will mainly consist of the characters Pinestar, Jake, ****Firestar, Tigerstar, and Scourge and their wacky adventures. Hope you like!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A Camping trip?!**

Tigerstar broke out out his dazed stupor with an intelligent "Harburghhhrreeehhgg?"

Out of all the torture he thought he'd go through when he was forced to accompany his idiot father to therapy, running into two of his least favorite cats in the world while he was there had admittedly came as a surprise, albeit an extremely unwelcome one. Who their chubby ginger friend was Tigerstar didn't know, nor did he know why said friend was embracing his father happily.

His lip curled at the sight of the ginger cat's collar. _Probably some stupid kittypet friend..._ he thought, all previous constipation forgotten as one of his two enemies let out an awkward cough.

* * *

 _I knew I should have faked my own death_.

This phrase had been running through Scourge's mind quite often ever since he had been granted parole two months ago. Normally he would have been delighted to be free of the horrid prison he had been kept in -solitary isolation was atrocious, no one to terrorize, torment, or murder at all!-, but having one of those conditions be that he have an eye kept on him by a family member was not part of the plan.

Originally, this wasn't supposed to be a problem. Although Quince had long since disowned him for being a "delinquent" and had refused to have anything to do with him, Scourge knew he had more than enough blackmail on both Socks and Ruby to convince one of them to agree to get him out of there; after that he would make himself disappear. What he wasn't counting on was Socks hiring some stupid lawyer to track down their biological father and letting him know of Scourge's predicament, and he never dreamed that said father would be secretly desperate to make amends with his first family and agree to take full responsibility for Scourge.

Now despite the fact he walked out on his mother and remarried, plus the fact he was a complete moron, Jake wasn't so bad. He felt extremely guilty that his housefolk had moved him away from his first mate Quince, who he hadn't even realized was pregnant, and wanted more than anything to reconnect with his son. He had only shed a tear upon hearing of Scourge's criminal record, saying that all this violence must have come from Scourge having to grow up without a "proper fatherly figure", and swore to never leave him alone until he was "stable". No, Jake was not the problem.

The problem lay within Jake's second marriage. His new wife, Nutmeg had jealousy issues and wasn't that fond of the idea that a kit from Jake's first marriage was going to stay with them, but her and Scourge had come to a mutual understanding that the other would just as happily ignore them as long as no trouble arose. He had met his half-sister, Princess, as well, and although rightfully suspicious of Scourge, she too remained polite and tolerated his presence whenever she visited her parents.

No, Scourge wouldn't have really minded being stuck with his father if not for one small bane of his existence that happened to be named Firestar.

Scourge had dismissed Jake's obvious resemblance to the flame-pelted menace when he had first met Jake, figuring it to be a cruel joke from fate to have his father's doppelgänger be the cause of his demise. It wasn't until one horrible Thanksgiving dinner that involved ten broken bones, flying avocados, an exploding armchair, three fire trucks, and twelve restraining orders that he was forced to deal with the fact that the cat whose picture he had been mutilating for years in prison was his half-brother.

Of course, once Jake had figured out his two sons had such an animosity toward each other, he had put his paw down, insisting they either "hug it out" or go to therapy to find their "brotherly love" for each other. Considering that Scourge still had dogs' teeth-enforced claws, therapy had been decided as the best option for both unwilling parties.

However, no matter all the humiliation, fury, pain, and sheer bizarreness of their meetings with Flamestripe, Scourge had never anticipated in a lifetime what he saw before him.

As his father argued with the young receptionist who looked about ready to faint, Scourge couldn't help but feel worried. That feeling increased when said receptionist insisted that she was _sorry, but today's appointment was canceled_ , then proceeded to flee out of the office. It was only confirmed when the last cat Scourge ever expected to see was shoved out of the counseling room and froze when seeing him.

* * *

 _No. No no no no no._

Firestar peered suspiciously out from behind his father at his bitter enemy staring frozen back at him. At his side crouched his _other_ bitter enemy; the one he had forcibly been dragged to counseling for the past couple of months, but at the moment Firestar was not as concerned about.

What in the name of StarClan was _he_ doing here?

Seeing as his father was still hugging the reddish brown tabby Tigerstupid had come out of the room with (Firestar vaguely recalled him to be called Pinestar, a former ThunderClan leader like himself), Firestar decided to break the silence with an awkward cough.

Which immediately turned into a pained yelp as Scourge elbowed him hard in the ribs.

"Look what you did, moron!" his half-brother hissed viciously. "Now they know we're _here!_ "

Firestar was about to retort that neither of them were exactly unrecognizable and they were clearly there when Pinestar broke away from Jake's embrace, booming, "Ah, Jakey, this must be your kit! He's a spitting image of you!"

Firestar beamed in smugness, grin fading into confusion as Pinestar walked right past him and poked at a confused Scourge who still wasn't used to cats not running in terror from him.

"You're definitely Jake-pal's kitty!" Pinestar declared to Scourge who was bristling from unwanted contact. Pinestar then shot an uneasy look at Firestar and whispered not-so-quietly to Jake. "Who does the tubby ginger one belong to though?"

Scourge burst out laughing while Firestar spluttered in indignation. Jake chuckled.

"Actually, they're both mine. Scourge is from my first relationship, while Firestar here is the kit of my current mate, Nutmeg."

Pinestar sniffed. "Hate to say it, but I saw it coming. I knew that Quince was no good. No offense." He added to Scourge, Quince's son.

The black tom shrugged. "None taken. She's a nightmare."

Pinestar blinked, unsettled at the small cat's casual disregard for his birth mother. "Well," he drew out. "My son, Tigerstar is here too with me- Tigerstar? Where'd he- TIGERSTAR! Get down from the ceiling RIGHT NOW!"

There was a kit-like squeak of terror, and a familiar dark tabby came crashing down onto the floor, taking the bamboo ceiling fan, a chunk of plaster, and a cloud of dust with him.

He popped up sneezing, sending death glares at Firestar and Scourge who were not-so-subtly snickering at his entrance, seemingly challenging anyone to judge him for trying to hide from the conversation Batcat style.

"I've met those two before." he ground out in a clipped tone, the two half-brothers nodding stiffly in grim agreement.

"And _you_ ," Tigerstar curled his lip in disgust as he acknowledged Jake. "Must be their _kittypet_ father."

Firestar hissed softly in warning, and Scourge simply rolled his eyes in nonchalance, but Jake blinked happily, oblivious to Tigerstar's sparsely veiled hostility. "Sure am!" the ginger kittypet chirped brightly, grabbing Tigerstar's paw and shaking it earnestly. "I'm your kittypet father's best bud! Heck, he wouldn't even be a kittypet if I hadn't convinced him to join me!"

"WHAT?!" The three children squawked.

"You two are _friends?_ " Firestar managed.

"My father is a disgrace because of you?" Tigerstar looked as if he could hardly keep from shredding the both of them.

"I hope you both die painfully." Scourge spoke simply, a fact not an exaggeration.

However, both fathers seemed to ignore their kits' agitation and nodded gleefully, hugging again.

"You bet!" Jake crowed. "It's been forever since we've done something together though, right P-ster?"

"Oh yes, too long!" Pinestar agreed. "We should hang out more!"

"Then how about you go do something together?" Scourge snorted. "Go galloping off into the sunset together? Preferably as far away from us and therapy as possible."

Tigerstar and Firestar nodded in agreement. "For once I agree with Mr. Rippy McDog Teeth here." Tigerstar spoke. "Go do something and leave us be!"

"Well," Pinestar paused, looking at his friend thoughtfully. "I guess-"

"NO!" A shriek split the air, making everyone else jump. A ginger blur barreled out of the formerly barricaded therapy room and into the group, blue eyes wide and crazed, glasses askew on his face.

"You all just gave me the perfect idea!" Flamestripe panted.

* * *

Flamestripe had been listening since he barricaded himself behind the door. Everyone in the universe knew about the hatred between Tigerstar and Firestar as well as the mutual animosity between them and Scourge. He had had his cPhone dialed 911, and a toe hovering over the "call" button as soon as he heard any sounds of death or fighting.

However, the conversation and the idea of a long trip faaaaaaaar away from his office had given him an idea.

"I couldn't help but overhear your conversation, and I believe I have a solution to everyone's problems!" Flamestripe announced.

"And how exactly would you do _that?_ " Scourge queried sarcastically, rolling his eyes in dismissal.

"Three words," Flamestripe declared. "Family Bonding Vacation!"

This idea was met with confused stares from everyone listening. Not hearing a "no", Flamestripe pushed on.

"Come on! You could go on some trip together and have a great time!" he wheedled.

"That's what we've been saying!" Tigerstar protested.

"Yeah, we'd get them out of our fur." added Firestar, for once agreeing with his nemesis.

"I've got it!" Jake exclaimed suddenly, nudging his friend excitedly. "Something I've always wanted to do but never tried before! Pinestar, how would you feel about a camping trip?"

Pinestar pondered this. "Camping? Well, I've never been, but it sounds exciting! I'd say I'm up for a camping trip with my old pal!"

"Great!" Flamestripe purred.

 _Just_ _one_ _more_ _thing_ _to_ _take_ _care_ _of,_ _and_ _these_ _goons_ _will_ _be_ _out_ _of_ _my_ _fur_ _for_ _good!_ the therapist thought.

"Just, may I ask what your children will do while we're gone?" Flamestripe inquired sweetly.

"Oh, we'll be fine," Scourge waved his paw dismissively, Firestar and Tigerstar nodding in agreement.

However, their fathers didn't seem to share their confidence. "Flamestripe is right, buddy," Jake frowned to his friend. "We can't just leave our sons alone like this!"

A chorus of "Yes you can!"s immediately followed, but Pinestar ignored it, coming to the solution Flamestripe had been hoping he would.

"Well, then I guess we'll just have to let them come with us! Yeah, an official Father/Son camping trip!"

The three sons in question's jaws dropped.

"WHAT?!"

"WHAT?!"

"I don't _like_ them."

Everyone turned to look at Scourge as he said this. The small black cat shrugged. "I'm not going to lie."

Tigerstar was spluttering. "Bu-b-but..." while Firestar was just standing there gaping like a fish out of water.

"Well then!" Flamestripe chirped happily, moving on before any more protests could be made. "That settles it! I prescribe family bonding in the wilderness! Let nature help you mend and all that! Don't call me unless you have to -and please, _don't have to_ \- and have a wonderful time _bye_!"

He had been herding them all towards the door while saying everything, throwing them out on the word "bye" and slamming the door.

All the five cats could do was stand there and blink in confusion as the pretty tortoiseshell receptionist who appeared to have been hiding out there smiled guiltily at them and scurried through the the door and closing it. A second later the neon CLOSED sign flickered on.

Inside Honeypaw watched her strange boss dancing around in glee, chanting what sounded like "no more!"

Flamestripe was ecstatic. He couldn't believe the luck he had been given that he had the opportunity to permanently deal with his two most frustrating clients in one fell swoop.

 _Some time in the wild stuck with each other is bound to bring them together!_ he reasoned. _And if not and they end up tearing each other apart, well hey! At least I won't have to counsel them anymore!_

Outside, the plans were being finalized.

"Okay. So tomorrow we show up at your house with everything we need right?" Jake asked. Pinestar nodded. "Yup! I'll take care of the camping supplies, you just bring the directions."

"Gotcha." Jake said. He squealed like a kit. "Oh, won't this just be so much _fun_!"

The two older toms looked at their sons, obviously expecting them to agree.

All Firestar, Tigerstar, and Scourge could do was look at each other once, now trapped spending at least a week with each other, and fall to the ground.

In perfect harmony, in major Starkit's Prophecy style, only one thing could all three say:

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Road Trip!**

"Ugh, Scourge, put your back into it!" Firestar hissed in exasperation as he strained against a particularly heavy duffel bag, trying to cram it into the already jam-packed trunk of Pinestar's rented minivan.

"Put your _fat_ into it!" Scourge retorted, knowing what would happen next.

" _I am not fat!_ " Firestar shrieked, pouting. He turned towards Jake, dropping his half of the duffel bag. Scourge, unable to support all of it, collapsed under the weight with the bag coming down on top of him, squishing the tiny black cat.

"Daddy!" Firestar whined, ignoring his half-brother's muffled yells for help under the bag. "Scourge called me the _F-word_ again!"

Jake waved his son off, used to his ginger son's dramatics. "Not now, Scourge- er, Firestar. Be nice to your brother!"

Firestar spluttered. "But-bu-"

Scourge wriggled out from under the duffel bag, glaring death needles at the annoying ginger tomcat. "Thanks for all your help!" he spat.

All of a sudden the offending duffel bag began to move. The half-brothers watched with amazement.

"Can you keep it down? Some of us are trying to sleep." Tigerstar yawned as his head popped out of the duffel bag.

"AGH! GHOST BAG!" screeched Firestar in fright, diving behind the much-smaller Scourge, oblivious to the lazy Dark Forest leader hopping out of the bag.

"It's just Tigerstar you idiot!" Scourge growled in annoyance as he cuffed his half-brother over the ear, still more mad at Firestar for dropping the bag on him than at Tigerstar for being in there in the first place.

"Daddy! Scourge called me the _I-_ word again! And he _hit_ me!" Firestar wailed, pouting and rubbing the ear Scourge hit while Tigerstar snickered and Scourge hissed, "Tattletale!"

Jake decided to ignore his over reacting son, and continued to pack stuff into the car.

"Okay, does everyone know the plan?" asked Pinestar eagerly. Pinestar felt more happy than ever that he would get to go camping with his best friend and their kits.

"No, thanks to stupid Tigerpoop I wet my pants!" complained Firestar, turning back towards the house to use the bathroom.

"You're not even wearing pants!" yelled Scourge in exasperation as Firestar scurried away.

"This is the world's most _stupidest_ idea ever!" snapped Scourge and Tigerstar in rare unison, both worrying about how the car would be too small for all of them...or that they would run out of gummy mice before the ride even started.

"Kiddos, hop in!" Pinestar called, going around to close the trunk. Scourge and Tigerstar looked at each other for a second before both shrieking, "I CALL SHOTGUN!"

The two enemies stared each other down for a heartbeat before both racing for the passenger seat, arriving at the same time and erupting into a shrieking ball of hatred as they fought over who got to sit up front. The duo's quarrel was interrupted by the sound of the passenger door slamming shut. Both cats leaped to their feet, looking in through the passenger window in slack-jawed astonishment as Jake waved happily at them from the prized shotgun seat.

"Enough shenanigans you two, we need to get moving!" Jake chided, gesturing at the back seat. Tigerstar and Scourge climbed in grumbling darkly to themselves, briefly playing Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who got the middle seat; neither cat wanting to be stuck next to Firestar. Tigerstar, who always picked rock, whooped at crushing Scourge's scissors and plopped himself smugly in one of the window seats. Scourge unhappily buckled himself into the middle, protesting, "But Firestar always picks paper!"

"Well, we're all packed and ready to go!" said Pinestar cheerfully as he closed the trunk of the car and started the engine.

"I'm just wondering if we forgot something..." Jake mused, a concerned expression on his face.

"Nope, nothing at all let's go!" chirped an oddly cheery Tigerstar, suddenly eager to get on the road and away from the house. Scourge was already not paying attention enough to be suspicious, rummaging through his backpack for his music player.

"In that case let's roll!" exclaimed Pinestar, just happy to see Tigerstar actually excited for the trip, switching to drive and turning out of the drive way and moving off. It wasn't until they stopped at a traffic light and heard a screech from behind them did they figure out what exactly they forgot.

Or, more accurately, _who._

"WAIT FOR MEEEEEEE!" screamed Firestar, running with his suitcase to catch up with the car, hurtling across the lanes of traffic, nearly avoiding getting flattened by an 18-wheel semi carrying bedding liner and vaulting over the hood of a convertible, ducking the wadded up greasy sandwich wrapper flung at him by the angry elder driving the car along with some very choice words about the "youth of today".

Scourge and Tigerstar both immediately burst out laughing as Firestar sprinted over to the car, huffing and wheezing as he climbed in.

"Tigerstar..did you try to make us leave Firestar at home?" asked Pinestar.

"Maybe..." Tigerstar drawled, still chortling at the toilet paper still stuck to Firestars paw.

"Now that we actually _have_ everyone, does anyone have to go potty?" queried Jake. "We'll be stopping at a rest stop before we get on the highway."

"I think _that's_ taken care of." Scourge rolled his eyes, looking disdainfully at his half-brother with his toilet paper.

Tigerstar reached over Scourge to jab Firestar sharply with a paw. "Why'd you come after us? I did you a favor; you could have gotten out of this and we wouldn't have had to deal with _you_."

"Are you -huff- _crazy?_ " Firestar panted, still out of breath from chasing the car. "My gummy mice are in here!"

* * *

"Now everyone, just a warning that there's some traffic up ahead, so we'll be sitting still for a while, okay?" said Jake.

"Actually, I'm fine with traffic." Scourge remarked. "More waiting means more time to sleep!"

"Waiting doesn't bother me." shrugged Tigerstar, stuffing chips in his mouth and spraying them all over the minivan.

"Perfect." breathed Jake, relieved that the two more violent ones were cool with this. "Then let's just all sit back and-"

"PICK A LANE _A_ -HOLE!" howled Firestar, who was yelling out the window, shaking his fist.

"A-hole? Seriously?" Tigerstar snorted. "Just swear like a real tom!" he exclaimed, ignoring the struggle as Jake tried to pull his ginger son back through the window while Scourge at the same time was trying to shove him out of it.

"Cursing is not good or moral!" Firestar lectured as he rebuckled while Scourge and Jake argued over why Jake let that "thing" back inside the car.

"Good or moral? Seriously?" Tigerstar laughed. "Well I say _FU_ -"

"You better be about to say the word fudge!" Pinestar warned his son.

"Yes Daddy." Tigerstar shrunk back, ignoring Firestar's smug grin.

"Well then," Pinestar proposed, still surprised Firestar was the one with the road rage, "How about we sing the road song?"

"Seriously? Who would sing _that_ song?" Scourge scoffed.

" _WHEN I'M ON THE ROOOAADDD!_ " Pinestar began, horribly off key.

" _Please_ don't." Scourge protested, long claws digging into the leather seat.

" _I SEE STUFF GOING BYYYY!_ " Jake joined in, equally as bad

"Uuuggghhh!" Scourge plugged his ears, screwing up in horror. " _None_ of us are going to sing that awf-"

The small black cat's complaints were suddenly cut off by Tigerstar and Firestar chanting the backup enthusiastically.

" _ROAD! ROAD! ROAD! ROAD!_ " chanted Tigerstar and Firestar, who where having a blast singing the road song until a completely fed-up Scourge put a stop to it by stuffing a napkin into Firestar's mouth, and his sock into Tigerstar's.

"This is the last time I EVER hear that song." spat Scourge determinedly.

"Alright!" Jake began, hurriedly steering the conversation into friendly waters. "How about everyone says what they want to do when they get there?"

"I guess hiking would be fun." Firestar admitted.

Tigerstar spat the sock out of his mouth, nailing Scourge in the face. "I knew how to fish once. I bet I can totally catch every fish in the river!" he boasted.

"I want to kill every single one of you, and float your bodies down the river and watch the water turn red with your blood!" Scourge spoke with a completely straight face, flicking off the spat-out sock with a nonchalant flip of his paw.

After that everyone was silent until they reached the rest stop.

* * *

It was afternoon when Pinestar stopped the car at a local PawWa gas station to refuel, while Firestar, Scourge, and Tigerstar ran into the bathroom.

Minutes later all three came out sopping wet and covered in a very suspicious smell.

"That was _so_ disgusting!" Scourge squealed like a kit, wringing the stinky water out of his tail fur.

"Hah! This time it wasn't even my fault the toilet blew up." laughed Tigerstar, flicking toilet water at Scourge.

"Yeah, _sure_ it wasn't, heh." snorted a slightly-less-wet Firestar who was hiding a wrench behind his back and whistling suspiciously.

"Well, are we ready to go?" asked Pinestar.

"No! I'm not leaving until I get more Gummy mice!" whined Tigerstar, stomping his paw childishly.

"Scourge can share his gummy mice with you." Jake told him, trying to hurry up and get back on the road."

"What?! Why can't Firestar share his?" asked Scourge angrily.

"Because you know what happens if we try to steal Firestar's gummy mice..."

"My precious! My precious!" Spoke Firestar in a golem voice, holding his gummy mice to his chest.

"Okay golem let's all relax and take a nap." Said Jake as he buckled up the squealing Firestar.

At that moment Pinestar's phone started ringing.

"So have you gotten there yet?" Asked Flamestripe while dancing around his office with his "I hate my job" T-shirt.

"Oh...not yet." Said Pinestar as he checked his upside down map, witch he thought was a GPS.

"why won't this map talk to me?"

"Hah! You watch Dora the explorer?" Laughed Tigerstar.

"First, Dora the explorer is a great show for kits to learn how to count to three. Second, This is a GPS, which is _supposed_ to talk to me!" Yelled Pinestar, as he threw his map on the ground and stopped it in the dirt.

"Uh, dad? I'm not supposed to be the smart one, that's a map. Said Tigerstar.

"I already knew that you were an ideot son, because clearly it doesn't take a genius to find out." Snapped Pinestar.

"Well clearly, because you found out." Said Tigerstar.

"Well anyways...I just we wanted to check in and see if you killed anyone and i need to call the police." Meowed Flamestripe.

"Please. Our kits are angels." Exaggerated Pinestar.

"Firestar stop beating up that delivery man!" Screeched Jake.

"Give me your gummy mice!" Yowled Firestar.

"What's going on back there?" Asked Flamestripe suspiciously.

"Oh, nothing..." Lied Pinestar as he watched Firestar getting pulled away by scourge.

"Heres twenty bucks." Said Tigerstar as he handed it to the delivery man.

"Anyways, I'm just going to hang up now." Said Flamestripe.

"Bye!" Said Jake as he hung up.

* * *

"Daddy, are we there yet?" Asked Scourge obnoxiously.

"Because the seat belt is rubbing against my beautiful **(Flamestripe of windclan is not responsible for any rages about what color Scourges collar is.)** **** collar.

"No not yet, we just have a few more miles to go." Explained Jake, as he looked at his map.

"Do you think we'll see any mountain lions?" Asked Tigerstar.

"Probably not. But if we do then I'm feeding them to Firestar, considering the fact that he has more meat then the rest of us." Replied to scourge.

"Yea, the mountain lions only eat the fat cats.

"Daddy, Scourge called me the _F_ -word again!" Whined Firestar, as he finished off the last of his gummy mice.

Jake ignored his son and looked at his watch. "Oh my gosh! It's 7:00!"

"We need to get there before dark or the lions, tigers, and bears will attack us!" yelled Pinestar, as he waved his paws wildly in the air, accidentally hitting Tigerstar.

"Oh my." Said Scourge, thinking the others would get the reference.

Jake floored the gas pedal.

"What if the police see us speeding?" Asked Firestar.

"Then it'll be a high speed chase..hopefully." Said Tigerstar, taking out a camping knife.

"Because I can throw knives really well."

"Tigerstar! Putt that weapon down at once!" Screamed Pinestar.

"Fine..." Moaned Tigerstar.

"And besides, there's no cop in sight. What could _possibly_ go wrong? Asked Jake.

Suddenly a police siren went off in the distance.

"Please, pull over your car!" Yelled the police man, as he spoke threw his loud speaker.

As ordered, Jake pulled over. "Don't worry, I'm probably gonna just a get a warning." Said Jake.

"Sir, I'm gonna have to give you a ticket." Explained the police man."

"I don't want one." Whined Jake.

"Sir, don't make me bring out my taser." Said police officer sternly.

"But! I! Don't! Want! One!" Cried Jake.

"I warned you." Said the police man as he took out his taser.

Suddenly as if on cue, the police mans eyes rolled back and he passer out.

Out from behind behind the knocked out man stood Scourge. "Next time can you not make him try to tase you?" Asked Scourge as he blew dust off from his paw.

"Okay...Let's hurry up before it gets dark." Said Pinestar.

Jake quickly floored the gas pedal again and drove off.

"Are we almost there yet?" Asked Firestar.

"Sorry Firestar, but since we got pulled over it might be hours until we get there." Said Jake.

"Then why is there a sign that says _you are now entering woodland forest_ on the side of the road?" Asked Tigerstar.

"FREEDOME!" Screeched Scourge as he jumped out of the moving car.

"I think this is the perfect place to set up camp." Said Pinestar.

"We're right next to a mountain, a waterfall, AND a lake."

The small group of cats then set up camp...ignoring the mountain lion paw prints right next to a tree.

 **Hey guys! Flamestripe of Windclan here, I'm sorry I haven't uploaded in a few weeks. School has** **started and teachers are being a butt so I PROMISE that I'll upload more frequently. But for now review for support and PEACE!**

 **-Flamestripe of Windclan**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Fishing.**

* * *

It was a clear and sunny day; the wind was blowing through Jake's fur as he took in the sight. "This is perfect weather to go exploring boys. Why don't Pinestar and I pitch the tent while you guys go and play."

"Why would I want to go out side?" Spat Scourge as he kicked a rock. "I don't even have my fan girl's to help me out here."

"Today is the _worst_ day to go exploring."

Jake ignored his ignorant son and took out the instructions. Reading the map upside down.

"Wait, we get to go exploring? With out parental supervision? In the woods by ourselves?" The stunned Tigerstar asked. He couldn't believe his worst enemy's father would trust him enough to let him go into the woods by himself were he could easily get into a fight with the others. "That sounds great!"

Firestar padded over to them, spraying bug spray all over him. "What about Big foot? Could he be out there?"

"Don't worry, Bigfoot only eats fat kitty pets who come into a clan because of a dumb omen." Tigerstar said evilly. Scratching his chin casually.

"They also must be fire colored."

Firestar's eyes were wide open. "He'll eat my dad?"

"No you idiot, he means you!" Scourge interrupted.

"Come on boys, you should get a move on before it gets too late." Said Pinestar.

Tigerstar started walking into the forest. "I guess this is where our adventure begins."

* * *

"What should we do first?" Asked Firestar sat down by a lake.

"We could go fishing." Suggested Scourge surprisingly.

Firestar looked back at Scourge, surprised that he was actually pitching in. "Fishing? We aren't RiverClan cats. We can't even swim!."

Scourge ignored Firestar and took out three fishing poles. "Hey Tigester, do you know how to fish?"

"Tigerstar turned to Scourge. "No but, I've always wanted to fish."

"What? Since when have you ever wanted to fish?" Firestar asked as he butted in on the conversation.

Tigerstar pretended to not hear what Firestar and went on. "want to bet I can catch more fish than you?"

"In you're dreams." Scourge said challengingly a smirk growing on his face. Casting his line out into the lake, waiting for a tug on his line.

Firestar looked at them both and frowned as he took a fishing pole and casted it out. "I don't get whats fun about catching fish. All you do is catch and release them."

Tigerstar groaned. "Who said we're releasing them."

"We're going to eat them?" Firestar asked, stunned. "I don't like fish."

Scourge decided. "No, we're going to skin them and let them die because they will bleed to death or not have enough air."

Tigerstar looked at Scourge sourly. "You're sick. You're just plain sick."

Firestar looked like he was going to get sick, thinking of dead skinned fish, on his plate. He never knew how long it would be until they actually caught something, at least not until he felt a tug on his line. "Hey, I think I got one! I got one guys!"

"Great job and all that crap, can I get a knife to put myself out of my misery." Said Tigerstar annoyed. Not noticing the cat ears sticking out of the water from where Firestar's line was.

"Guys..." Firestar said as he started noticing the ears. "I think you might want to see this."

Scourge ignored Firestar. Not even noticing the tail starting to stick out of the water. "Yea, sure what ever."

Firestar let out as a cat lead out of the water, a worm dangling in the jaw. "Leopardstar!"

"Leopardstar!" Screeched Scourge.

"Put it back! Put it back!" Screeched Tigerstar. Knowing Leopardstar had a crush on him made the trip even creepier than it had to be.

With that, Firestar screeched and threw Leopardfur back into the lake. Watching her swim away.

* * *

Back at the camp, Pinestar was reading the direction very carefully, making sure the mallets were in place. Placing poles into the ground. "This is easy. I bet I could to this with my eyes closed and one paw behind my back."

"Well, we're almost done, and nothing can stand in our way!" Jake exclaimed as he placed a tarp over the top of the tent and walked back to Pinestar.

Pinestar thought for a moment. "Well, there's the boys, a tornado, a lion, a tiger, a bear, us."

Suddenly, a phone started buzzing. It was Flamestripe!

"Hey guys, its Flamestripe. How are you?" Flamestripe asked.

Jake picked up his phone. 'Oh, we're great! The boys went out camping, they'd probably be back in a while."

Flamestripe gasped, surprised they would let all three of them in the woods by themselves. "So you're saying you left Tigerstar, Firestar, and Scourge to go off into the woods by them selves. In a dark area with tones of pointy objectects?"

"Yea, isn't it great!" Jake said, oblivious to the surprise in his voice.

Flamestripe groaned in annoyance and whispered in the background. "Honeypaw, get the police ready."

"Sure thing." Honeypaw whispered while dialing 911-911-TigerstarFirestarScourge.

Pinestar walked up and took the phone from Jake's paw. "Hey, its Pinestar. It's going great down here. The boys are outside, playing while we just build a tent."

"Well, okay. I hope to see you alive-I mean soon." Flamestripe said, catching himself.

"Bye." Jake said as he took the phone back. "Talk to you later."

Pinestar shivered and stood up. "I guess we should build a fire now. It's getting cold outside."

"Yea we should." Said Jake. "I'll go start that."

Looking up at the sky, Pinestar saw it dimming at the second. "The boys should get home before its to dark and they end up getting lost. I wonder what they are doing."

"Yup." Jake said back. "But what ever they're doing, its probably a happy conversation while walking home.

At that moment, Firestar, Tigerstar, and Scourge all trudged into camp.

"I see you boys had some fun." Pinestar said, happily biting into some fish.

Jake sat down next to Pinestar. "Come over here, we have tones of fish."

All three of the boys walked over to the fire and sat down.

"Why don't you guys tell us about you're day." Jake asked while munching on a fish bone.

Scourge thought for a moment. "Well, it all started when we sat down at a lake..."

* * *

 **Hey guy! I know I haven't updated in a while, and I promised that I would update frequently, but now I promise i will definitely be able to update. I hope you guys liked the story. Read and Review for support, and PEACE!**

 **~Flamestripe of WindClan**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! Flame here with some important news on my story! Can I have at least few replies to keep me motivated to write this story, maybe a few ideas of you're own. Thank you, I hope you like the chapter!**

* * *

 **Chapter 5: Bear Attack!**

* * *

 _"Wake up!"_

Firestar moaned as his father jumped over him, pawing him in the face. "Whats going on?"

"I h-h-heard some rustling from behind those bushes over there!" Jake whimpered like a four year old. His knees were shaking frantically, with his nose twitching and his eyes going in different directions that probably weren't even possible to imagine."

The orange tabby cat stood up and stretched his back. His fur flat unlike Jake's.

"Are you sure it wasn't Tigerstar snoring?" Firestar asked, remembering how he had to wear headphones the night before when he and Tigerstar had to share a tent because Scourge had kicked out Firestar and Pinestar forced Tigerstar to share a tent..

Jake looked at Tigerstar. "No. He's sleeping like a little angel."

"More like a little piece of crap!" Firestar mumbled before following his father out towards the bushes.

As the two flame colored cats padded towards the bushes, the rustling sound picked up again. Firestar's eyes widened in shock before picking up two long sticks and tossing one to Jake, who horribly caught it. "Ladies first."

"Don't you mean fat cats first?"

"Don't you mean kittypets first?"

"We're both kitty pets!"

"How about rock paper scissors shoot?"

"Fine."

The two cats each held out a paw. _Rock paper scissors shoot!_

"Darn it!"

 _Rock paper scissors shoot!_

"Darn it!"

 _Rock paper scissors shoot!_

"Darn it"

 _The leaves started rustling again._

"Bear!" Firestar shrieked as he whacked the so-called bear on the head with his stick before barely picking up his father and throwing what he could at it.

The 'bear' leaped out at Firestar before growling to him; "Can I cat get some privacy while using the bathroom?!"

"Oh." Firestar grinned sheepishly; not noticing the look of terror spreading on Scourge's face. "Then I guess there is no bear."

"No," Scourge stammered. "The bear is right behind you!"

* * *

 _Firestar turned around as he saw the bear. Its giant claws that could break a cat's neck in a single swipe glimmered in the moonlight. Its teeth sharp enough to pierce bone._

The three cats looked at each other in awe and in shock.

"What do we do?" whispered Jake silently, with his tail puffed up and neck fur rising. "If we die, I would just like to say I loved Scourge more."

Scourge snickered "Ha!" while Firestar hissed at his father before returning his gaze to the bear.

Scourge's eyes lit up. "I have an idea. How about one of us distracts it. I'll bite it and then we run." Scourge tried to moving towards the bear only to get his eardrums destroyed as the bear roared while standing up on its hind legs to look bigger. "Eat Firestar he's fat" shrieked Scourge as he tried running away.

"Daddy! He called me the _f_ -word AGAIN!"

"Not now Fireshart!" Jake called over the roaring of the bear. Jake dashed up a tree along with Scourge and Firestar, who only slipped and grasped onto the tree brach by a paw.

" _Long live the king.._." Scourge grinned as he slowly unsheathed his claws onto Firestar's paw.

Jake just glared at Scourge. "Scourge, don't feed your brother to the bear."

Scourge pouted before pulling up his brother.

"Sheesh, Fiery, you really do need to loose weight!"

"NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO DISCUSS MY DIETARY CHOICES." Firestar screeched as the bear roared and pawed at the tree.

All of a sudden, another louder growl sounded over the bushes, in the direction of the campsite. The bear stopped pawing at Jake and his children and cocked an ear, listening to the sound.

"Oh, great," Scourge rolled his eyes. "We're about to die, and we have to do it serenaded by the lovely sounds of Tigerstar the chainsaw-nose!"

 _"SNNNOOOORRRRTTTT"_ replied Tigerstar.

However, the bear seemed interested. With a low grunt, the tall animal backed away from the tree with the cats in it and lumbered towards the sound of the noise, back towards the tents with the sleeping Pinestar and Tigerstar...

"Do we _have_ save them?" Asked Scourge selfishly.

Without waiting to scold Scourge, Jake bursted towards the camp. "I'm coming for you P'ster old pall!"

Firestar and Scourge looked at each other and shrugged.  
"So are going to to do this?"

"I guess so."

The two brothers ran after their father. Scourge rushed to his tent and fumbled around in his back pack before pulling out his PawPhone and hit record.

" _SNNOOORRRRRREEEEEE_ " The still asleep Tigerstar snored loudly and obnoxiously.

The bear lumbered through Tigerstar's tent and picked him up.

"Bad! Shoe! Get away from him!" The still half asleep Pinestar scolded.

The only response was the bear starting to lick Tigerstar, who surprisingly was still asleep.

Scourge, with a look of total shock on his face and his mouth hanging wide open, took a picture with his PawPhone.

"Tigerstar and bear, siting in a tree, g!" Sung Firestar.

The bear looked up from the now soggy Tigerstar. He growled and lumbered towards the four cats.

 _Right before he got to them though, a burning sent wafted through the air and Scourge stepped out from behind the bear with a lighter in his paw._

The bear roared as it rolled over, letting go of Tigerstar who finally awoke.

"Hunhuhuh?" Tigerstar snorted as he stood up to only to look down at his smoking tail and rushed into the water.

"How did you know how to get the lighter?" They all asked Scourge.

"well, um, uhh..."

 _The camp was safe, and only Tigerstar was hurt, because Scourge had 'accidentally caught it on fire, and all was for ever safe again...NOT!_

* * *

 **Hey guys! I finished chapter four. Rate and Review please, because I may or may not be coming out with a short story next chapter based on Flamestripe and Honeypaw. I hope you liked it! :D**


End file.
